about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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