I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
