I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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