Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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