just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
