im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
