But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
