Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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