Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
