You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
