Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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