Nicole vs. Life
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
