Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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