I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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