That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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