i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
