I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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