he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
