But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
