Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
