omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
