i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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