it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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