You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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