I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
