who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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