hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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