dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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