cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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