My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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