Got a toothbrush?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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