the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
