dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
