Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
