i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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