Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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