her facebook's as public as her vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
