What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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