Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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