I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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