after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
