dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
