He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
