evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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