I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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