On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
