how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
