I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
