John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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