Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
