so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
