The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again