It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
