i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening