If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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