I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
