You just made me feel so damn special
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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