I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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