Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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