I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
