hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They took my balls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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