Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
